Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
