you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
