don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You're like the curious george of whores
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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