after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
there is glitter all over my balls
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
