I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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