Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
