it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
me + whiskey = a bad person
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
