R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
