I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
