making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
