I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
