I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
