I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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