Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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