Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
