i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
