Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
smell my finger.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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