Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
