At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
