you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
