After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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