yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
