A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
