I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
