Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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