I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
