he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
