I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
