oh fat girl friday strikes again...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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