she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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