I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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