Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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