Did I show you my penis last night?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
