We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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