Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
