I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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