just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
