Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
how drunk are you?
Several
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
