I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
