I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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