we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
