she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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