You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
