I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
