My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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