Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
