I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
