Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
