I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
