How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
