There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
